hoo wnats 2 b a mlinare: hp edishun
by Ze Author Formerly Known as Half-Blood Princess7
Summary: Watch the greatest authors of all Fanfiction face off and show us their madd Harry Potter skills! I understand that spelling of the title was atrocious, read more inside to understand :P
1. kynki sexi gurli

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, or even the fricking computer that I'm typing on right now (I'm at school, I didn't steal it, I swear!)

**Very sorry if I used your penname. I did a search and nobody by the name of "kykin sexi gurli" turned up. It will freak me out if you ever named anybody by the name of the Mary-Sue mentioned in this fic. So don't sue me.**

"Come one, come all, to a great showdown of the most talented writers in all of Who Wants to be a Millionaire Harry Potter Edition! This week, kynki sexi gurli tests her vast knowledge of Harry Potter!" shouts Regis Philbin.

A girl wearing ultra low-rise jeans and what appears to be a hankerchief covering her midriff swaggers into the room. The audience is captivated by her amazing beauty: boys shriek like young girls, and an old lady faints after screeching, "Damn, she's shit-hawt!" Kynki sexi gurli is an Animagus, Metamorphmagus (she somehow learned how to be one, even though its impossible), can do wandless magic, and is more powerful than Dumbledore, Voldemort, Merlin, and Harry combined.

"hey, wutsup sexi" she asks Philbin.

"Uh, I'm fine. How are you?" Regis wipes the drool collecting at the corners of his mouth, puts his eyes back in his head, and a crew member comes in with a car jack to reattach his jaw.

"im lyke totily good"

"Uh, right. Let's get on with the show." The lights do that cool swishy thing they do when the game starts.

"First question. For $500, how many years are there in Hogwarts? Is it a, one hundred; b, ten; c, seven; or d, as long as it takes for someone to get in bed with Amadalia Maleena Estanya Jasina Semena Latina Gareena Resteena Black Snape Potter Malfoy Lupin Riddle Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Granger Thomas Jordan Longbottom Lovegood Flitwick Finnagan Moody Figg?" Regis is completely out of breath.

"is it lyke d"

"Is that your final answer?"

"yah. D, as long as it taykes 4 sum1 2 get in bed w/ Amadalia Maleena Estanya Jasina Semena Latina Gareena Resteena Black Snape Potter Malfoy Lupin Riddle Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Granger Thomas Jordan Longbottom Lovegood Flitwick Finnagan Moody Figg"

"That's correct! Somehow, you've won five hundred Galleons!"

"lyke rele lyke ialwyas wanted 500 gallons of lyke soda"

Regis sighs.

"Next question: For 1,000 Galleons, who are Harry's parents? Are they a, James and Lily; b, Lily and Snape; c, Lily and Harry; or d, Dumbledore and…**(Regis pauses as he stares at the card in awe) **Hagrid?"

"well lyke ive saw al off thos pears kin I lyke fone a friend"

"I suppose…" Regis raises an eyebrow.

"im lyke gonna call hari he shud no hes lyke hari putter"

Regis flips through his rulebook to see if it is legal to call a made-up character to ask him who his parents are.

"Uh, Harry? This is Regis Phil—"

"Yo, Harry here. I like, can't come to the phone right now, but if you, like, leave a message after the like, beep thing, I'll get back to you. So, remember, like, I'm hawt." _Beep_.

"Wait…why does Harry speak in a stupid American teenager dialect? More importantly, why the hell does he have a PHONE!"

"well duh evry1 has lyke a fone"

"…not wizards…"

"u meen haris a wizzer o boi i wud lyke luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2 c his wand & i dont meen lyke a magic stik eethr"

"OK…I think we've heard enough for today…Do you have an answer?"

"it d-pnds on da fic…hari & lili r lyke poopuar 4 thyme trravlel fics. i no its not lyke jaimes & lili…whoever herd off that pearing…and lili ans snaip is uber-sexi lyke me…and ive saw dmdlore higrda 2"

"That's correct! All but Lily and James is correct!"

"lyke yay"

"Next question…for 2,000 Galleons…How do you spell Hermione Granger's name? Is it a, hermines; b, it changes every time; c, Hermione; or d, 'it's Mia dammit!'?"

"well dats e-z. d. its mia dammit"

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is b, it changes every time. It's a tough one, I know."

"aw…i dont wiin neting"

"Nope, I'm sorry."

Kynki sexi gurli cries as she walks off the stage.

"Well folks, that's all for now. Next time, don't miss cUtXsAdXdIeDiEdIe as she shows off her knowledge of Harry Potter!"

**Does anybody know how much it kills me to write like kynki sexi gurli?**


	2. babelfish

In case anybody didn't want to know, never use babelfish. for translation. Because, I have run Chapter 1 through it into Dutch, and then ran it back through into English, and here is what appeared: Disclaimer: I do not have Harry for the, which want Millionaire be, or even the fricking computer I on which types on this moment (I is on school, stole I it, swears I!) very sad if I used your pen-nasty. I did a research and nobody by the name of "appeared gurli of kykinsexi". It from eccentric me if you by the name of Mary-vervolgt called ever no matter who mentioned in this fic. Continuation me not this way. Bowl one, comes all, to a large strength measuring of the most gifted writers in each of Millionaire Harry for the Edition wants which be! These yielded, gurli of kynkisexi test its enormous knowledge of Harry for the! to shout REGIS Philbin. A little girl that carries ultra laag-stijgingsjeans and what seems be hankerchief which its midriffzwervers treat in the space. It is publicly fascinated by its astonishing beauty: they weaken the boys shout such as young little girls, and an old lady shit-hawt!"after the screeching," vloek, have Sexigurli of Kynki are Animagus, Metamorphmagus (she learned in the a or other manner how at one to be, although is impossible), can wandless do magically, and are more powerful than Dumbledore, Voldemort, Merlin, and Harry combined. she asks Philbin "hey, wutsup sexi". Uh, are I fine. How u?"bent wipe off REGIS drool collecting at the angles of its mouth, put its eyes in its head back, and a crew member comes attach with a car lever within its jaw. "im lyke totily well" Uh, right. Go with the show further. The lights do that cold swishy thing that they when the game starts have done. First question. For $500, how many years is there in Hogwarts? It is a, hundred; B, ten; c, seven; or d, as long as it for someone in bed with Lupin van Malfoy of the ceramist Snape van Amadalia Maleena Estanya Jasina Semena Latina Gareena Resteena black Riddle Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Granger thomas Jordan lung bluntly TOMs Lovegood Flitwick Finnagan Moody Figg are entirely at krijgen?"neemt REGIS from breath. the lyke d "" are "are that your definite answer?" yah. D, as long as the taykes 4 su.1 2 in bed w/Lupin van Malfoy of the ceramist Snape van Amadalia Maleena Estanya Jasina Semena Latina Gareena Resteena black Riddle Weasley Dumbledore McGonagall Granger thomas Jordan lung bluntly TOMs Lovegood Flitwick Finnagan Moody Figg "get" correct that! In the a or other manner, you five have hundred Galleons!"gewonnen" lyke rele lyke savages ialwyas 500 gallons lykesoda "Sighs van REGIS. Next question: For 1,000 Galleons, which are the parents of Harry? To be they a, James and lelie; B, lelie and Snape; c, lelie and Harry; or d, Dumbledore and... (Regis pause since he at the card in awe) Hagrid?"staart" lyke ive saw well already of relatives I of thosperen lyke fone a friend "" I assume... " REGIS an eyebrow raises. "im the vraaghari of lykegonna he shud no hes lyke hari for the" taps of REGIS by its rulebook to see or is it legal a made up call character to ask him which is parents is. Uh, Harry? This is REGIS Phil - "" Yo, Harry here. I do not love, can to the tel. on this moment come, but if you leave, as, reported after such, spud thing, I will return to you. Thus, as, am I remind me hawt. Spud. ... Why do Harry wait in a stupid American teenager dialect speak? What still more important is, for which the hel he TELEFOON!"heeft have" duh evry1 lyke well fone ""... not wizards... " "you think haris wizzero boi i wud lyke luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2 c its partition & think I dont lyke magical suffocate eethr" O.K... I think we have heard enough for today... you antwoord?"hebben d - D-pnds on DA fic... hari & poopuar thyme 4 of Lili r lyke trravlel fics. i none lyke jaimes & Lili are not... whoever of that guards those... pearing and Lili ANS snaip are uber-sexi lyke me... and ive saw dmdlore higrda 2 "" correctly that! All but lelie and James are correct! "lyke yay" next question... for 2,000 Galleons... How spelt you the name of Hermione Granger? A is, hermines; B, it each time changes; c, Hermione; or d, the Mia dammit!'?"is well dats e z. d. is mia dammit "" I is sad, which incorrect. The correct answer is b, each time changes it. It is tough, weet ik."het aw... I those dont wiin "neting" Nope, are I sad. Sexigurli of Kynki shout since she runs of the stage. Well people, who all for now. The next time, misses none UTXSADXDIEDIEDIE since they with its knowledge of Harry Potter!"pronkt Weet no matter who how much it kills me to write as gurli of kynkisexi?

…that alone cracks me up. I can't wait to put this up…so cUtXsAdXdIeDiEdIe will have to wait.

By the way, Buffy the Mary-Sue Slayer insists on saying hi. She is sitting right next to me.

Sorry if I disappointed you. I thought this was funnier than the actual chapter. I have a new fad. Taking fics and running them through babelfish. W00t.


End file.
